


Kirby Gets Hungry

by BigBlueButtonMan



Category: Kirby (Video Games)
Genre: Because he's just kind of a jerk, Dark Comedy, He lit waddle dees on fire in Kirby Planet Robobot once, Humor, Kirby but it's a little more realistic, Kirby goes on a rampage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-23
Updated: 2020-04-23
Packaged: 2021-03-01 16:35:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23810131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BigBlueButtonMan/pseuds/BigBlueButtonMan
Summary: We see Kirby eat his enemies a lot. He does it without a care in the world. After all...they just disappear. Nothing else happens. And he goes on to eat even more. But...what if things were just a little bit more realistic?
Kudos: 6





	Kirby Gets Hungry

**Author's Note:**

> All the characters here are owned by HAL, not me. Now read this story of Kirby on the rampage.

Kirby had recently been sleeping in the green fields of Dreamland. He was sleeping intensely, without a care in the world. Not an apocalypse nor a cataclysm could wake him up. This was certainly true if his previous adventures were anything to go by, which always seemed to occur _after_ his mandatory nap.

But. There was _one_ thing that could ultimately wake him up...

Kirby woke up...with a hungry stomach. He gripped it so hard he felt like he was about to rip his stomach out, trying to abate the feeling that he was about to implode from the sheer hunger. No fruit or grass could satiate this hunger...only meat. Precious...delicious _waddle dee_ meat. Desperate to fill his tum-tum, Kirby went on an adventure.

He first went to the Greens Greens. He scoured every nook and cranny, every field, every mound. Not a Waddle Dee, a flying bug, or even a knight with a weird hat was in sight. Fortunately, a town nearby was having a picnic. Unfortunately, Kirby was not invited and the picnic area had guards stationed around the picnic area.

They had gone through these motions before.

This upset Kirby, who wasn't looking for a very _contentious_ fight to fill him up. Thus, Wispy Woods was out of the question. His apples were gross, not sufficient for the raging storm threatening to tear him up from the inside, and...really, all that was left was wood otherwise. Was he really going to eat wood? No.

So, Kirby moved on to the Float Islands. Once again, the same story. Not a single living creature in sight! No waddle dees going on beach trips, not a single sea creature was there. At the very least a fish could help alleviate the pain. But...no, no fishies in the water whatsoever. Off in the distance, he could see many sea critters and waddle dees currently entering a cruise ship. Unfortunately, Meta Knight was with them...acting on guard duty! He really wasn't in the mood to deal with the emo knight today...

Next came the Bubbly Clouds to be scoured. Perhaps some birds could suffice. Not as fat and...succulent...as waddle dees. But, certainly, such a meal would be...something. It was not to be. No flying critters, none whatsoever. Birds, and bronto burts, could be seen in the far distance, flying in a flock, all moving too fast and too far away from the clouds to be within his reach. With no flying copy ability to improve his normally abysmal speed, it was no use. And besides...the meat wasn't worth the feathers that came along with it. And all that was left was a couple of giant flowers in an otherwise empty local.

There was only one option now. Mount Dedede.

Mount Dedede must have waddle dees.

Mount Dedede **always** had waddle dees.

Who else was to guard the place at all times?

If any place had waddle dees...it would be Mount Dedede.

And so he went there to Mount Dedede. And...ohhhh...it was beautiful. Waddle dees...waddle dees everywhere. Waddle dees at the tables. Waddle dees near the door. Waddle dees on the roof. Waddle dees in the basement. Waddle dees in the hallways. In the throne room. On the windows. In the bedrooms.

...And he would have his waddle dees.

Kirby went on a rampage. Waddle dee after waddle dee was sucked up into his gaping maw...and munched on. For a good five seconds each time, the immediate vicinity was filled with the sound of bones and organs being ground up and minced together before finally being swallowed.

There were no screams...for waddle dees could not scream. They could not alert anyone to what was going on from a long distance. Worst of all...Dedede was on vacation right now.

Kirby swept every room...and cleaned it out. Kirby came in, waddle dees disappeared. Some were there unknowing of the danger, not alerted by fleeing waddle dees. Others were there as blockading forces.

It didn't matter.

Sometimes the room had only one Waddle Dee.

The ensuing death was lonely.

Other times, the room was positively packed, sometimes with no way out. Other times, Kirby would block the exits with materials on hand, in time to leave the bulk of the victims to a methodical munch-fest. Ten in a room at times...eaten...one by one.

...Soon, there were none left. Of the thousands of waddle dees in the location, hundreds were ingested and thousands fled away in terror.

However, there was a... _consequence_ , to this action, for the perpetrator. Said perpetrator immediately began to feel his _consequence..._ building up.

...Perhaps it was a bit of a _lie_ to say that at the end of it all the place was _cleaned out..._

* * *

King Dedede had a great vacation. The cruise ship was truly wonderful. It was decked with plenty of food and sub-sections for activities from pools to mini-sports rooms. The visit of various critters from the cloudy areas to see converse, congratulate, or otherwise flatter the king was welcome along the way.

Meta Knight kept everything in order. Overall, no Kirby or other disturbances ever graced the cruise ship. Meta Knight thought he saw a ball of pink in the distance at one point, but nothing came of it. And besides...he'd gotten used to hallucinating the pink ball of horror.

Too many times he'd found his refrigerator cleaned of all food...far too many times...with the smiling puffball in the middle of the remaining mess.

Just thinking about it made him recoil.

The visit to the Green Greens was pleasant for both King Dedede and Meta Knight. The massive picnic was organized well and came with plenty of delicious meals to eat. Playful games and other activities were arranged to keep people active. It was wonderful, delightful. Going back home from this would be the cherry on top. A great vacation topped with a warm, comforting sleep. A happy ending to a happy day.

...The happy ending was not to be.

King Dedede, upon returning, saw boats and boats heading towards the cruise ship. Hundreds of them. All of them packed with waddle dees. All of them stricken with severe, crippling PTSD.

But none of them could say what it was that left them in this miserable state, for they had no voice. And even those that could communicate non-verbally...alas, the PTSD left them broken and jaded, unable to bring themselves back to the events that were tormenting their souls.

All Dedede knew was that something bad had happened.

He rushed back to the castle, his waddle dees in tow.

This...was his reaction.

"...Oh my god...he **shit** everywhere... _ **there's shit everywhere!**_ **Damn it!** There's shit on the **windows**...oh my god...my castle is full of **shit!** He shit **everywhere!** Look what he did, he shit all over the **wall!** Kirby, get over here! There's **poo** and **crap**! My castle is **full of vile** ** _and shiiiit_!** **That there Kirby did this!** _ **Damn it!**_ "

From the basement to the throne room...nothing was untouched.

...Nothing.

It would take years to clean up the mess. A mess that, ultimately...he never did muster the courage to clean up.

...And not once, in those years, did Dedede ever make a memorial to the fallen.

Only to the old castle...destroyed by the poo...

**Author's Note:**

> Normally in the Kirby games, Kirby eating his enemies is pretty fine and dandy, and relatively innocent. They get sucked in, that's the end of it. But what if it was a bit more realistic? What if he actually had to...take a shit afterward? Yeah, after 12 waddle dees all at once...whoo boy, not something you want to think about for too long.
> 
> This mostly just a repaste of the same story from Fanfiction.net (same username, same title of the story).
> 
> Fanfic reading by yours truly here:  
> https://youtu.be/XRK469LGaaQ


End file.
